Best of luck to the class of '07

I've been okay.  Still working at Beaner's, still living where I'm living.  Still in school.  Just struggling like everyone else with  money and to fufill the need to feel fufilled.

It'd be stilly to try and fit everything that is going on in my life into this entry.  And, no offense, I woud only share the most intricate details of my personal life with, well, few of you at best, but let it suffice to say that things are okay.

And yes, I'm still alive.

The Past Year and a Half

I'm still living at the house, it's been over a year. 

Third semester of college done. Holy crap.  Still going for nursing, which I come to question, even despise, more everyday.  This semester has been the semester from hell. Classes are kicking my ass, and I have had several nervous breakdowns (nothing serious, just stress).  On top of school there is martial art, which is great, but stressful at the same time.  On top of school, and martial art, I've had a very dramtic, very sudden life change that has thrown me for a loop for a couple of months. 

I broke up with Mike. 

I felt like we were best friends, but in a brother-sister kind of way.  Zero affection, even after I tried to explain and tried to change things.  We just lost it.  So I broke it off and it's been incredibly rough. 

Now I'm dating a guy named Ray and I absolutely love him.  He's 28, has a five year old son, and is divorced, and I absolutely love him.  It's fast, very fast, and a lot of people are concerned or upset with me, but things just fell into place and I absolutely love him. 

There it is.  The past year and a half of my life.  Seems pretty insignificant, doesn't it? But aren't they all. 

See you in a year. 

I don't have a computer at home anymore and I find that my days are very full and so I don't really use xanga anymore.  I used to use it a lot for an outlet for different rants, but I guess I've been feeling more well-adjusted these days.

First year of college couldn't have gone better GPA wise.  I was satisfied anyway.  Do I enjoy it on the other hand... well, it's tolerable.  Next year should be much the same.  Although I'd like to get a laptop and take mostly online classes because they're only fillers until I can get into the nursing program.

I've been living alone for nine or ten months in my second cousins house that used to belong to my great aunt and uncle's house and that's great.  I love living alone in a really nice house.  I get along much better with my family not seeing them every day, which is a plus. 

I'm not taking classes this summer, so I've just got karate and work.  Karate is great, as always.  I'm being promoted to Associate Instructor which is right underneath the head instructor, as I understand it.  I'm estatic about that because it's just another affirmation that this crazy dream to be a martial arts teacher can come true.  When I'm not there, I'm working, AT BEANER'S. I told you I would someday.  I was working at Lakeview Coffee for a long time, but Beaner's is so much better. I usually work days Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday if anyone wants to come and visit.  I make a mean latte if I do say so myself. 

Mike and I are doing well.  It's been a year and a half now if you can believe it.  I still worry that he'll move to the cities and we do occassionally get pissed and hang up on eachother, but what relationship doesn't have tiffs. 

Well, there it is.  A year of progress in a few paragraphs.  Enough to make you think you're wasting time.  In highschool, every good grade or small accomplishment is praised and made into a huge deal, but after highschool it's not so.  I don't feel like I'm accomplishing things, but I guess I'm just not making as big of a deal out of them as I did even only a year ago.  Anyway, congratulations class of 06'.  I know it's freaky being out of the safe haven of Denfeld, but you'll be find.  "Sometimes detatchment is the thing you need the most." Stuart Davis.  Yes, I am still in love with Stuart Davis.

Maybe I'll update in another six, nine, twelve months, peace.

Laura

Okay, it's rant time.

I got locked out of the house yesterday, got a parking ticket today, and have been generally blue and distraught for a few days. I haven't really had any time to see Michael (he and Mr. G make up my cheer-me-up-squad) and so tonight I was excited to see him for a while. We decided to go to a 9:30 movie. He calls me at 8:15 and told me that his friend just called him and wanted to go out. And he "would like to go." Trying to understand, I said, "Oh, well, maybe you should go." So he decides to go and my feelings are honestly hurt.

Maybe I shouldn't make a big deal out of it, but we'd ALREADY MADE PLANS, I've been upset lately, and I think it was all around a jerky thing to do. (He just called, I didn't pick up, but he left a message saying that they're going to get "hammered" so they are going to take a cab home. Like that makes me feel any better.) So pretty much instead of wanting to be with me and make me feel maybe a little better, he wants to go get fucking trashed.

This is a sensitive issue because I can be jealous (he gets to go out with his friends when the last time I've seen a friend is August, in other words I have not friends, he gets to go somewhere I can't, which makes me wonder...) and he gets really mad at me when I get even a little jealous. That's why I said that maybe he should go, because I didn't want to seem like a jealous freak. But I think that this is different. It's not so much jealousy, it's that my feelings are hurt and I can't just brush it off. God dammit, I just want to beat something up, really, you know me, I'm always wanting to beat something up anyway, so this is worse. I wish I had a key to the gym.

Well, I should get back to Jan's so I can go to bed and then get up to go have coffee with Mr. G. At least I know he would never ditch me. When (and if) Mike makes it to class in the morning, I can't let this go. He has to know that it is not okay to break plans with me when I haven't seen you in two days to go drinking. Am I wrong?

I copied this from Chris's site and thought that I would procrastinate some more on the final paper for Ethics that is due in less than twelve hours.

10 Favorites

Favorite Color: Black
Favorite Food: Good question

Favorite Band: U2
Favorite Movie: The Matrix
Favorite Sport: Martial Arts
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Day Of the Week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Cherry Garcia
Favorite Car: ehh
Favorite Number: 13

9 Currents...

Current Mood: Dreading this paper
Current Taste: Ranch dressing
Current Computer: Dell something
Current Finger/Toenail Color: how about FLESH COLOR
Current Time: 7:44pm
Current Surroundings: parents living room
Current Annoyance(s): little brother

Current Crush(s): Bono, as always. And George Clooney. Duh.
Current song: U2

8 Firsts...

First Best Friend: Laramie
First Pet: Dog
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: Tom LaDean. Who didn't have a crush on him?
First Movie: Who KNOWS that?
First Car: My mom's 2000 caravan

7 Lasts...
Last music: Coldplay
Last Drink: Milk
Last Car ride: Home from karate
Last Text Message: don't text
Last Movie: ?
Last Phone call: Mikey
Last CD Played: By the Way, Red Hot Chilli Peppers

6 Have You ...

Have You Ever Dated one of your best friends: hahahaha. We don't talk abou it.

Have You Ever Broken the Law: ummm...gee.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: nope
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: nope
Have You Ever Been on TV: yea, news
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: no

5 Things....You did last night

1) Watched Aquateens
2) Played trivial persuit
3) read
4) Psych
5) not my paper

4 Places You've Been Last..

1) Karate
2) Work
3) Home
4) School

3 People You Can Tell Anything...

1) Bess
2) Ayla

3) Ty

2 Choices...

1. Metal or emo?: emo
2. Vanilla or chocolate?: vanilla

One Person You'd Do Anything For:

1. Grandmaster, Michael, Family, Friends, all people at the gym... Bono. (haha, I do love that greasy sunglasses wearing freak.)

Okay, paper time.